Day: October 14, 2024

Just because  you love them,  it doesn’t give them  the right to hurt you.  Protect yourself,  love yourself,  no matter who’s  breaking you apart.  You deserve the world  and I hope  it doesn’t take  a lifetime to realize  that.

your first love should always be  yourself. remember this.

My sweet girl,  if I am ever missing,  if I am gone in another world,  please remember this.  Please remember  to remind yourself  of this.  Remember that not  all people are bad,  that not all people are good.  That everyone has both  light and darkness, and it is  up to you to seek the light,  and I hope you  always choose the light.  Remember  that sometimes  people actually want to help you,  but also remember  that sometimes  people want to use you  for their gain.

Remember that everything  you do is a shot in the dark,  regardless of how prepared  you might think you are.  And because of that,  know that you’ll never  be prepared enough,  and that everything that  is meant to happen—will happen.  And that when they happen,  it will be out of your reach,  out of your control  but how they affect you  will always be on you.  Remember that you will  never quite understand other people,  let alone yourself.  That you will commit  more mistakes than certainty.  Remember that things will  get bad, really bad, and that’s inevitable,  but also remember that not  all storms last forever.  Remember how nothing  is ever yours, that everything has an expiration date,  from memories, to things,  to people and places.  Nothing ever lasts,  so please take letting go lightly  and kindly.  My sweet girl, I can only  hope that I am there for you  to remind you of all these things.  Now, I am sure that I am missing  a few things here and there.  But ultimately,  if there is one thing to remember,  then let it be this:  That drinking wine  is good for the soul.  That good company  really is good company.  That failure is a beautiful thing.  And that you don’t have to prove yourself to  anyone other than yourself.  Oh, my sweet girl,  the thing is, you can’t trust anyone,  and sometimes  not even yourself.  Life is hard, confusing,  and strange.  Remember that,  always.

Magic is when you  live your life the way  you did not picture it  and leave nothing behind.

A famous author once quoted something that has always stuck with me.

 “And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” – Roald Dahl

Be inspired in life even when you feel like the world is swallowing you whole. Believe in the superstitious but can see. When you doubt, stand outside in the darkest of nights and look up at the stars. Look at the constellations and the zodiac, and look at the greatest of them all – the Moon.

I embrace mother nature and respect it albeit. I thrive being a selenophile. Staring up at the night sky and looking at how it shows off its colour in many sides, over many days. New moons, Full Moons, The Gibbous and Crescent phases. Each uniquely different, each showing its beauty.

Society taught us how to hate.  Hate taught us violence.  Violence taught us regret.  Regret taught us pain.  Pain taught us love.  Love taught us how to laugh.  And laughter makes every moment  far more special  than we could ever imagine  for ourselves.

Chapter 1

The Chaos

“Madness  and chaos  are self-destructing,  but  overthinking  will always be  the suicide. “

I always needed the chaos  within myself,  in order to  discover the extraordinary  that no man  could ever reach.

That morning,  I did not say a word.  I just watched you leave,  and in the end,  I wish I had stayed at home, made a different choice.  I stayed stuck,  somewhere between  a sweet dream  and a beautiful nightmare.  Hoping one day,  you would return  to rid me of all the  demons  you left behind.

And I’ve learned  a lot of things  this year  but the most important  thing I’ve learned is  that with every harsh  good-bye  comes a beautiful awakening.  That  with every door  that closes,  there’s another one  opening soon after.  And  whenever you help someone  and genuinely mean it,  the universe crowns you  and grants you the spiritual growth  you need. The difference is between people who genuinely need it and appreciate it, value it and don’t take it for granted as if its owed to them.

I have to  disconnect sometimes.  Find my own feelings  sometimes.  There’s nothing wrong  with my relationship toward myself.  I just need  to be  on my own sometimes.  That’s all.

I almost lost myself  doing things for others.  The year is almost gone  and I’m  just learning this.  I have to move forward  for me.  I have to find  what makes me happy  for me.  And  I have to learn  how to live,  ultimately,  for me.

I need to start  not to give a fuck  when you would text me.  I should forward  your calls  when you needed me  the most.  I purposely  and these days apologetically chose my friends  over you…  time  and time again.  And for what?  To prove what?  That I’m a sucker for love and appreciation from friends who don’t reciprocate?  That I’m too hard  to keep it real with you?  That I’m too afraid to be vulnerable.  Too afraid  to show you  what I feel…  or was it  to hurt you  before you hurt me.  What was it all for?  To lose you.  To cry alone  over you.  To regret  all the bullshit  I ever did to you.  In the end,  I did this to myself.  I caused you  so much pain  but when it was all  said and done… the only person  I was hurting  was myself.  Damn.  Growing up is hard.  Making it work  is hard  but nothing is harder  than accepting  the past  and finally realizing  how it all  could have been avoided…  if only  I followed my heart and made better life choices.

The darker the sky,  the more real  it gets.  Some nights  I miss you  more than others  and some nights  I’m afraid  of what  you make  me feel.

So, I’ve started a semi book with chapters and what all here. But tonight, typing this post on my phone I just feel a little frustrated.

Over the past few weeks I have been more concentrated on human behavior in terms of friendship, potential otherwise material and just how priorities seem to shift.

While I understand that everyone lives their lives and everyone is busy and has issues to sort out or find a means of harmony. I just feel so isolated and alone. Stressed and trying to balance myself out. I feel like breaking plates, crying until I’m dehydrated and screaming till the moon reaches out me for me to find serenity and peace.

See, I wifi